This is love

This is what love looks like to me. A friend shows up ready to do battle with my crazy kitchen clutter. She hauls everything out of the cabinets, consolidates the half boxes of crackers, puts the tea and coffee supplies all in the same place (brilliant!), tosses out some very expired products, cleans and organizes every space, making sense and order out of the hodgepodge of containers, spices, and you name it. For some reason this kind of task makes my stomach queasy. I become disoriented. I want to run. As I sneak out of the kitchen I hear her say, "I could do this all day!" When we later find evidence of a mice invasion she doesn't go AWOL, but calmly continues to work, as the battle escalates into a vacuum and bleach war. At this point I am completely creeped out and need a break. She's fine, and sends me into the other room to do some computer work. When a stopping point is reached we share take-out Chinese food and watch a movie.

The next day she comes back ready to plug away, overcome more obstacles and get the job done, even to the point of single-handedly pulling the fridge out and cleaning behind it. What started out as organizing has ballooned into several larger projects. Turns out the bottom of the sink cabinet needs to be replaced and we can't put all the cleaning supplies back there. I need to buy some steel wool and lidded plastic bins and find out what to do about the cabinet floor. It's becoming a little overwhelming. For now, I go outside to plant my new agapanthus, grateful for a distraction from the kitchen, grateful to get my hands into the soil, grateful to see beauty. My friend is continuing to problem-solve how to reuse plastic and glass containers we've cleared out to house other things that were stashed in unlabeled plastic bags. She's enjoying the conquest over clutter and waste. This isn't the end of the story--only a slice. Just an example of what it looks and feels like to be loved when things ain't pretty. Having emotional and physical help in an area of need where most people wouldn't bother to take time for caused me to be very grateful. And wishing it for everyone.

Since then my husband has rebuilt the bottom of the sink cabinet and I have painted it. Soon the supplies go back under out of sight. Next in the long list of home projects is painting the exterior of the cabinets. Then comes the loft...oh my gosh, the loft. My friend is planning to come back over to go through all the books, art supplies, papers, and junk to help transform it into a place where I can work again. We will be boxing up piles of stuff to be able to see the floor and strategizing how to carve space for me to set up my easel again.

In our friendship we worked out a trade. It doesn't always have to be a trade. Sometimes you can help or be helped (i.e. loved) without a return. This time I spent a couple of days at her house redecorating and offering suggestions and ideas for further changes. We moved furniture around, hung pictures, and created nice spaces for work and conversation. She hasn't loved her house in years and when we were done she felt happy, excited, and grateful for her "new" house done on zero budget. We have more ideas to create a headboard and window treatments when I go back over. It was a pleasure for me to use my gifts in an area where she clearly felt a need. I enjoyed using my interior design skills to solve problems just as she enjoyed using her organizational skills to solve problems at my house.

It seems like a simple thing, but how often does it happen that we go beyond having a need or knowing about a need? What would love look like if it stepped in?

Souled out

I've been on a "soul sabbatical" down south for 2 and a half months. Having set aside time to reconnect with myself and God, hoping to recharge, refresh and get new direction, I will return to CO to in a week to rest from my "time of restoration!" This season has turned out to be anything but what I expected--with non-stop stress, unexpected activity and lack of alone time. Kind of like when I had 3 young children and my days were not exactly my own. It's the reverse end of the spectrum being with my elderly mom, where wisdom is needed to make many decisions and do lots of projects requiring physical and emotional energy. This week we are going through things to decide what to sell, what to keep, what to toss. Each item, no matter how small seems to have sentimental value and memories, so the job feels way bigger than just sorting and cleaning.

Hope to get back to Torchwood when I return. Sorry for the absence. If you email me I can share a link to another site related to my time away.

Free2Work

Not for Sale, the campaign to end slavery in our lifetime, launches Free2Work, a community of people and businesses committed to ending slavery in corporate supply chains. At Free2Work you can help ensure that companies you support are not taking part in slave labor. Look up a company or report a company and become an instigator of change.

It's time for every company to take The Pledge...
• To have zero tolerance for forced labor inside our company operation
• To develop an anti-slavery corporate policy
• To require all outsource suppliers and contractors to hold the same anti-slavery protocol
• To ensure that the providers of source materials for our products comply with our anti-slavery protocols.
• To monitor our company's compliance with all of the above, and responsibly address any violations.

See an amazing music video by RadioHead which contrasts two different lives: that of a free child (whose lifestyle looks a lot like most of "our" kids) and a slave labor child (whose life is perhaps spent producing some familiar products for the free child?) One boy paints a picture, the other paints glue onto a shoe liner.

Post Oscar

We usually try to catch the Academy Awards, but for the first time we watched the Oscars with a room full of people who had voted online ahead of time. Made it more fun, which was good, because I found the whole TV production to be somewhat lackluster otherwise (though there was plenty of glitz and glamour there!) Tom came home the winner of the mini Oscar and a gift card for the movies. Hope he will share it with me. My favorite part of the show was probably the performance of the music from Slum Dog Millionaire. Now I really want to see the movie. I think I have only seen two of the other movies in the running, so my votes were mostly guesses. Slum Dog, Sean Penn, and Heath Ledger were obvious gimmes.

Congratulations to Meryl Streep for a record 15 nominations. I hope she appreciated all the accolades from her peers, too. I want to see Doubt and I'm thinking about seeing some of her older movies again. I think Kate Winslet is a seriously good actress and deserves the recognition of this win. (photo:AP) Don't know if I'll see The Reader, though. I'm happy for the Slum Dog crew. It's an amazing accomplishment for them (8 Oscars! !Is that right?)

I definitely want to work my way through some of the short films and animations that sound very interesting. If you've seen some, what do you recommend?

Voca Femina goes live!

It's launched! I want to share with you a creative endeavor that I am a part of.

Voca Femina Banner by Jennifer Herrick

What is Voca Femina?
Voca femina means a woman’s voice. The feminine voice is powerful, creative, life-giving, and beautiful. We’re here to celebrate it. We’re a group of friends providing space, audience, and support for the creative voices of women in our world. We've started a creative expressions website for women.
Our vision:
We believe there can never be too many venues for women to try out their voices. We know lots of powerful, creative women who have beautiful things to say, who may never land a book contract, fill an art gallery, or cut a record deal. Voca Femina is about giving us all a place to share, a place to grow. We hope you will listen, respond, encourage, and, most of all, participate.
Our dream:
Voca Femina is a sisterhood of women who fiercely believe in the treasure of creative expression. Creativity belongs to the soul and spirit of every human being, needing a few simple conditions in order to thrive:

• A safe space, free from competition and negativity
• An abundance of support and encouragement
• A few stimulating ideas
• Faith, hope, courage, and love

We aim to create an online community that fosters the creative spirit in and through and for each other, by stimulating, supporting, and posting our treasures. Eventually we hope to publish our works under the banner of Voca Femina, creating print media that reflect the innovation and creative expression fostered through this site.

Check it out and let us know what you think.
I have a couple of pieces on display in the fine art and design sections of this inaugural issue.

If you are in the Denver area you can party with us and celebrate women's voices. E-mail me for info.

Amber day

Colorado has a singular quality of afternoon light that I marvel at. Houses, roofs, trees, and every man-made object and natural living thing become transformed in its glow. Yesterday I really noticed it and jotted down these thoughts:

There was a glorious golden light today on everything outside my reading window in the guest room where I work on my laptop. Unaware of that part of the world until I really focused, my breath was taken away by the dried and browned beauty of the tea roses still standing with their twisted and curled leaves paperlike and moving in the wind. If I leaned in closely near the glass, I could hear birds chirping incessantly as well as the scattered barking of neighborhood dogs and a car engine a few blocks away. I like to sit in this sunny spot to read and am happy to observe the world from here without going out to be chilled by the wind and distracted by the reality of what needs to be done to button up the garden for winter. Winter has been here for quite a while. Only a portion of chores was accomplished before that window of preparatory time passed. It almost feels like winter, too, is passing, though the crabapples are dull red on the bare branches, and several kinds of thyme between the pavers are still shades of gray. The perennial herbs will be the first to green up as the weather warms slightly. But not today. Today lies under an amber veil and individual colors remain desaturated like those in an altered photo. The life inside is suppressed, held back and waiting. I took occasional sunny reading breaks from my web tutorials in the morning, but by afternoon my reading book took over. I felt and watched the subtle path of warm light gradually move across my shoulders to finally form a spotlight on the large aloe plant in the corner. That mother's voice inside my head might tell me I've wasted my afternoon. My soul thinks otherwise.

Iconic

This is too fun not to share. Paste Magazine has a site where you can make your own Obamacon. I used my Torchwood profile pic to try it. Whattayathink?

"Fruitful"

I love books, but it always seems true "so many books, so little time." During Advent I did take time to re-read Beginnings and Endings by Maggi Dawn. This is truly a book that I could visit every year. I find so much to consider in the beginnings, endings, now and not yets, and in-betweens that she gives us a glimpse into.

I was excited to learn of a new book this year, God With Us, which includes a few of my favorite authors' reflections on Advent. (After listening to an interview with Kathleen Norris I decided to order the book.) It also includes beautiful paintings from all ages making it a feast on several levels. But, what I keep thinking about is found in the section by Luci Shaw. She writes:

Henri Nouwen made the important distinction between productivity and fruitfulness. Productivity suggests a machine grinding out a commercial product. By contrast fruitfulness gives us the organic image of a tree, rooted in rich soil, tempered by weather and seasons, by cold and wind and sun, able to give shade, to bud and flower, and to bear fruit.

She goes on to talk about a slogan found on a refrigerator magnet that says, "live generatively". To her this means:

Be a risk-taker, a "universe-disturber for good". To move in a life-giving direction, not only for one's own sake but for that of others. To contribute to the energy of the world.

Each year I receive a word for the new year. This year I think it is "fruitfulness." I like the distinction between just producing (a product), and instead being fruitful, which speaks to me of relationships and quality of life. I also desire to be productive, especially with my art, but for now focusing on "fruitful" seems to have more life in it.

Join me in a prayer (by Luci Shaw from God With Us)

Oh my Lord, I long to be fruitful, to know myself growing in likeness to you. Often I feel sterile, not fertile. I need your living water, the sun of your blessing, the wind of your Spirit, the grace of your presence. I yearn to recognize your likeness in my mirror, a reflection that will come only from the daily awareness of "God with me."
Amen.

postscript for 2008

Wow, 2008 has run out and time online has been almost nil except for my regular website work. I've had out-of-town family here for a couple of weeks and didn't get back to my 'I heart Advent' reflections. Just noticed an important topic over at Kathy's blog on encouraging creativity. That is one of my major soapboxes. I'm glad to see the conversation. Haven't had a chance to join in. Check it out.

I hope everyone has a new year full of hope. I'll be back with a post soon.

O Come O Come Emmanuel - Trace Bundy and Josh Garrels

That exciting time of waiting

In Reaching Out Henri Nouwen asks if we can "carry the burden of reality", remain open to tragedy and suffering, and not become mentally paralyzed and depressed. He later answers in part:

...life can teach us that although the events of the day are out of our hands, they should never be out of our hearts, that instead of becoming bitter our lives can yield to the wisdom that only from the heart a creative response can come forth.

And how will that creative response come forth? Advent is teaching me this year that the waiting is an important step toward the coming forth. I think carrying the burden of reality is a moment by moment process in which I become open and keep from shutting down. Solutions are not instant. God is continually at work even in the waiting whether I recognize it or not. In whatever our situation might be, we each have our own burden of reality to bear. I'm guessing that like me, you are longing for something, waiting for resolution, hoping for healing, praying for an answer. The nature of events or facts contributing to our financial, material, or emotional welfare, or that of a loved one, may not see a sudden shift, but within the empty place of expectancy there is a story.

I think of Zachariah, an old man who had waited a long time. Perhaps his hope that he would be a father was wavering. As we read the story of the announcement by the angel Gabriel to him that his wife, Elizabeth, would bear a son, we can jump ahead to the fulfillment of the reality of his hope. We can see how close it was to him, even at the time of his reluctance to believe. There was promise in the unfolding story. "You will have joy and gladness and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord...With the spirit and power of Elijah he will go before him, to turn the hearts of parents to their children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." The magnitude of what was about to happen was beyond Zachariah's grasp, but in spite of his feelings, God was present in that moment.

In spite of real circumstances causing our own instinctive feelings of abandonment, discouragement, loss of hope, dullness, or impatience, etc., today in this moment, couldn't there be a real story of salvation, a story of promise, a story of hope unfolding? God is present in this moment. That makes the empty place of expectancy more like a place that is housing a gift. Within the waiting there is a story.

Help Wanted

Wanted: relief from discontent.
Wanted: patience and perspective.
Wanted: joy and peace.

Plenty is happening in our world to cause anxiety. The globe is racked with the pain of injustice, poverty, environmental concerns, health conditions, and lack of peace. I want to know the best ways to enter into God's redemptive solutions. I don't want to be indifferent, nor do I want to be paralyzed by discouragement and fear. Because I suffer from perfectionism I can be acutely aware of things that are not quite "right." When things go south I want to fix them. Now. Personally, there are places in my own emotional and physical geography that are out of whack and beyond my control. But should there be such discontent in my soul? Is there a way to be present, stay involved, and remain hopeful? Here's where the wisdom of Advent needs to take effect. Here's where I need some sacred time each day to help in my heart's preparation. Perhaps in time it will even lead to sorting things out.

My mind and my heart need you, God.
Help me to prepare for your coming.
As I wait and become aware of my longing,
Guide me to a place of internal silence
And help me to listen for you, God.
Remind me that you came into the world
At a very bleak time, and that you are
Still coming into the world.

I heart Advent

Advent means "coming". We are waiting for something sure and certain, with longing and anticipation. Week one of Advent the candle is lit for hope. Not the kind of cross my fingers hope-so hope, but real hope, as in waiting for someone/something to be birthed. Waiting on God. In hope, longing for Him to come bringing light to the hopeless darkness. A stark, piercing, peaceful light is coming to uncover, recover, and restore...hope. Wait with me.

A top ten for readers - play along!

Suppose you have been living in another country far away from your home in the U.S.A (or U.K. or Australia) for the past 3 years.  Perhaps it's a place lacking some of the normal conveniences or access to products and services you knew before. Strange dialects, food, and customs. Not knowing who to trust. A situation where moving about the city is unsafe and your freedom is limited in several ways because of your skin color and nationality. But this is not another post about human freedoms. Just setting up a little contrast about daily life. Things are not so instant. Getting things done is a slooow process requiring repeated follow-up calls and prodding. Online access is sketchy and frustratingly slow. You are removed from American political campaigns, hourly updates detailing the woes of the economy, Black Friday pre-dawn sales at the mall, and so on. Hmm--that's starting to sound better. 

My real friend, Sharon, an avid reader, has been living away from her home country. Here is her real question:

What are the top ten books you would recommend to someone who has had little access to books in the last 3 years?

It's a great question--one that I need your help with! I tend to get a little myopic and think of only a short list of what I'm reading right now. For example, this book by Roger von Oech: A Whack on the Side of the Head, How You Can Be More Creative. It's full of ideas to jump start your creativity and contains great quotes from a variety of thinkers. Here's one from today's reading:

Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different.

by Nobel prize winning physician Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

Here's your chance to jump in and suggest some books worthy of Sharon's naira (Nigeria's currency.) Give a list or even just a couple of suggestions. You can tell why you chose them, but you don't have to. I will come back and add a few more titles after you.

Vote for a hero

Maria Ruiz was born in the US and lives in El Paso just across the border from Juarez. When she visited relatives for a funeral she found people living in squalor. Her heart went out to the 1200 hungry kids in one small village area.They were attending makeshift schools made of wooden pallets which had no electricity and no running water.

Maria started a feeding program. For three years, she would cook all night in her home at El Paso, cross the border and feed 1200 kids a day, five days per week. Vote for Maria. I did. If she wins, the money will go toward a feeding and community center. Voting ends Nov. 20.
Watch her video at http://heroes.cnn.com/default. asp.