My own Giants
Hat tip to Amy for telling me about a movie that a church from my hometown has produced. How likely is it that a couple of no-name guys on staff at a Baptist church in a southern town, could write about a Christian high school football team, direct, shoot, edit, and produce a film that would appear in theaters around the country? Their actors were volunteers from the church and community. They believed they could make a difference; that they could change the world from Albany, GA. Maybe they can. I watched Facing the Giants last night in a 24-plex in a northwest suburb of Denver.
The film wants to speak to contemporary culture, but it is so full of scripture-quoting and music with Christian lyrics, that it seems to be made for Christians, or at least church-goers. Some of it was preachy and predictable. Nevertheless, I cried more during this movie than I have in a long while. It touched some emotional buttons for me--having to do with its themes of failure, disillusionment, surrender, and triumph. My husband's unemployment and our lack of direction are very fresh right now. The personal inward struggles about where I'm to live and how, and what and who to spend my life on were brought to the surface. Seeing folks from my specific part of the world and heritage was a little wrenching.
I sometimes have a strong desire to go back to the South, but feel that my world, my ministry, my purpose is here. How could I be effective there? I don't even feel free within my family to be who I am (as an adult) or exercise my spiritual giftings and leadership. Recent feuds within my larger family have divided a formerly close and happy group. The racism and classism I see when I visit GA break my heart. Life there seems distant from my present reality. Having lived in Colorado for 19 years, it is to a great degree home to me, though I admit to being restless most of that time. I think I would feel better in a different house in a little town north and west of here, closer to Boulder. But, I can't be sure. There are giants to face if I stay and giants to face if I go. Perhaps I have a nagging idea that things are not finished for me down South. No time frame is apparent for me to return. It would warm my heart, though, to think that part of my future harvest (see previous post-Oct.18) will come from seeds I have yet to plant and tend in the southeast. It's a surreal thought. But, then, it was a very surreal experience last night to see and hear other Albanians on the big screen, so you never know.
The film wants to speak to contemporary culture, but it is so full of scripture-quoting and music with Christian lyrics, that it seems to be made for Christians, or at least church-goers. Some of it was preachy and predictable. Nevertheless, I cried more during this movie than I have in a long while. It touched some emotional buttons for me--having to do with its themes of failure, disillusionment, surrender, and triumph. My husband's unemployment and our lack of direction are very fresh right now. The personal inward struggles about where I'm to live and how, and what and who to spend my life on were brought to the surface. Seeing folks from my specific part of the world and heritage was a little wrenching.
I sometimes have a strong desire to go back to the South, but feel that my world, my ministry, my purpose is here. How could I be effective there? I don't even feel free within my family to be who I am (as an adult) or exercise my spiritual giftings and leadership. Recent feuds within my larger family have divided a formerly close and happy group. The racism and classism I see when I visit GA break my heart. Life there seems distant from my present reality. Having lived in Colorado for 19 years, it is to a great degree home to me, though I admit to being restless most of that time. I think I would feel better in a different house in a little town north and west of here, closer to Boulder. But, I can't be sure. There are giants to face if I stay and giants to face if I go. Perhaps I have a nagging idea that things are not finished for me down South. No time frame is apparent for me to return. It would warm my heart, though, to think that part of my future harvest (see previous post-Oct.18) will come from seeds I have yet to plant and tend in the southeast. It's a surreal thought. But, then, it was a very surreal experience last night to see and hear other Albanians on the big screen, so you never know.
posted by Jennifer at 10:30 AM
1 Comments:
Really, really strange to read a blog post that mirrors a conversation I had with a friend late last night.
Seems that most days I feel like I have one foot planted here in Colorado, and the other planted in The South. While I don't feel like my time here is over, I don't think I'll live here forever. And I do think I will end up back in The South, yet I don't have a timetable for it, either.
But even on the days that I long to be somewhere else, I still know - on some level - that I am living more fully from my heart where I am now. That raises questions about how that would play out were my zip code different. But I know there is more to that than just geography.
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